Barely Used

I really wasn’t looking for an MGB
nor did I have in mind a Mercedes,
but it was clear the salesman
had a lot to learn about me.

That baby is a beauty, he said,
flashing teeth freshly whitened,
and a tan straight from Cancun
(trade name of his favorite tanning booth.)

Yes, I agree, how much is it?

Do you like it , honey?
If you do it is yours,
You can take it home today.

Is it free?
(O! that fake laugh!
He’s not half as attractive
as he seemed to be)

Well, sweetie, it’s not free,
but it’s a steal.
I can let you have it for fifty.

Might as well be a Lamborghini,
I notice the greedy glint in his eye,
I sigh, and say, Thank you, but my name
is not sweetie, and that car is just not for me
.

The charm all gone, we walk
to the back of the lot, He says off handedly,
If you find one cheaper than these,
it’s hot
.

Do you have any hot ones?
I ask with a grin,
Strangely, my humor
didn’t amuse him.

Then, I saw one with a sticker
that spoke to my thrift.
Okay,
I’d like to drive this one.

He said, Follow me,
I’ll get you the keys.
(all chivalry missing
in action)

I nod ‘no’ and say
That’s okay, I’ll wait
while you bring them to me.

The last vestige of a smile
turned to grimace, but I held my ground,
He said, Hang around, I’ll be back.

I should have packed a lunch,
but I was determined, and he did return.
Alas, it needed more than a key; it needed a battery.
The one he found was just about done.

If the needle’s in the red
doesn’t that mean
there’s a problem
?

Is the motor running?

Yes, but it says in the book
it will stop
if that light stays on.

Those books are for sissies,
trust me.

But what, I persist,  if it quits
when I’m sitting in traffic?
What do I do?

Call Triple A.

Thank you anyway, honey,
I won’t be buying today.

 

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